October 16, 2008

Even on a good day
my body sux!
it wont let me forget
this page pretty much sums up my mood at the moment
I am feeling like I have been run over by a truck these past 4 days and am now sooo over it all
See I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and every now and then it rears its ugly head and slaps me hard in the face. It's like a reality check...
I am very lucky in life I know that, I have 3 healthy beautiful children that remind me of that every day, but geez my body hates me! And I so hate it right back...
I am in the midst of a 'flare up' where the disease is the most active, when this happens I am pretty much out of action for a few days, my body HURTS
it aches, it swells, its hot, its painful and no matter how much pain meds I take it does not go away
My worst enemy is stress, this is a major trigger. I can tell when a flare up is coming by what is happening around me, well I had a stressful weekend so I guessed this would happen but holy cow, this flare sux!
Today is day 4 and I cannot hardly walk, my hands are twice their normal size, my right knee is locked and both my shoulders have the startings of twangs. My left hip is achy and my right wrist has limited movement. So.... my body sux!
Besides the pain there is also the fatigue, this time round has been shocking! I persevered yesterday and went to the shops to put something on layby for the kids at Christmas as it was the last day of the sale and while driving home I almost nodded off behind the wheel! I felt myself drift off and if it wasn't the fellow behind me honking his horn I wouldn't gone right off the road!
I shit myself... this was a wake up call - literally!
I don't let on how I truly am, I keep this all hidden from even my closest friends and family. Yes alot has to do with embarrassment, arthritis is such and 'old' people thing. I am ashamed of my body and what it does and don't want the sympathy vote now. It's been 13 years and I still haven't come to grips with it... There are so many people worse than me, so many that need the help, so while I am independent enough to do it on my own - I will, with a minimum of fuss. My time will come when I will need to call on help
oh and probably cause I just a stubborn cow
So there you go, I just spilled my guts
know you all know what gets me down, what keeps me from bouncing around the room like a loony from time to time
I did this digi page for my digi BOM (book of me) I have been working on for my children
these horrible photos were taken on a good day!
I wont let you all see the bad days...

I used a little bit of everything to get this one together, each of those ribbons are from different kits and/or designers!
Ok, now I am going back to my corner...
have fun beautiful people
mwa mwa
Luv Nat xx


MargS said...

My heart goes out to you, Nat. I know you don't think you're amazing, but I do! And I'll bet I'm not the only one!! You live life to the full,& rarely complain (& heaven knows you've got MAX reason to!), plus you manage to create such stunning works of art. You truly inspire me. Take care.

Laura Solomon said...

Linked off of sb.com. Glad to find your blog. Hey-- have you tried all the homeopathic relief for RA? I am happy to help you search out cures... let me know. xox Laura Solomon